When 2019 began, I started the year by unceremoniously quitting the praise team at a church I attended. No announcements, nothing spoken. I attended and participated in the New Year celebration and never returned. I knew 2019 was going to be a life changing year for me and Christianity was no longer a fit for my life. I love to sing gospel music, and the praise team was a huge part of why I was even in the building. Being “in service” of the church kept me connected to a bigger purpose or so I thought. Also, 2019 was the beginning of the end of high school for my kid. He’d worked so hard to get there and I really wanted to be present for every senior event, even on Sunday.

The most jarring and terrifying change of that year was the introduction of a 4 as the first digit of my age. Turning 40 felt traumatic to me. I felt like all my potential was wasted and I was a shell of a person just routinely suffering for a greater unknown cause. And to top it all off, I had to help my son navigate college applications which I had little knowledge about. Fortunately, my brother is skilled in that department and assisted. Thanks Bro!

Sidenote: I’m starting this blog from the beginning of my empty nesting journey. Bear with me and we’ll get to this year soon.  I’ve been depressed with anxiety and suicidal ideations. 2019 felt impossible to get through and yet here we are. Still finding reasons every day to stay here.