Hi friends. I wanted to interject my process of the Genx Empty Nest journey to talk about a part I wasn’t expecting. Two weeks after the kid left to live their life, I got really sad. So, sad in fact I considered suicide. I felt worthless. You know how fucked up life must seem to make an accomplished person feel like nothing?

I wanted to disappear. I wanted to not exist for a day. As a big grown adult, I understand the implications. I’ve attempted suicide before, and the finality isn’t lost to me. Societies ideas of what a woman in my generation should have before we die, isn’t lost to me. All I need are some cats and I’m considered a “Throw away” woman. My mind (the media) would remind me of my own worth and value constantly. The problem is there’s no time to sulk. No time to cry. No time to mend myself and try again. I must keep going. It’s just me. No savior or hero. No “I need a hug”. Just me and society through a screen. We are a part of community, and they also have lives. In that moment of time, hopelessness was the focus.

Since then, I’ve reached out to my community, who in proxy pulled me from the dark. My people. I’ve found a new therapist and given myself things to look forward to. Limited my social media intake and going outside for walks every day for fresh air. The truth is, I don’t want to die, I want to live. I’ve been holding on to things that hurt me so tight I’d gotten used to the pain. It’s time to let those things go and learn to love the things that will love me back unabashedly.

While the pain I’ve experienced in the loss of my parenthood seemed unbearable, so is the focus on it. This is a portion of my life that has to be shed off. You can’t pull it off or rip it. It’s ugly, sloughy texture must come off to reveal who I am now. And that’s who I’m on my way to becoming, which is exciting and a little terrifying but also invigorating.

If you or anyone you know is having a moment where suicide is an option, call 988. You’re actually not alone.