Comparison is a joy killer and we all do it. We look at how everyone else around us at our age is doing and create a hierarchy of good and bad. Are they still renting? Is their career flourishing? Are they in a relationship? It’s our litmus test of success. We spend so much time either fighting to remain high on that list or striving to break the glass ceiling to get there.

While I know that comparison is redundant, it’s still a very real process we have to work through on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis. Hating oneself for simply navigating life the best way I know how is also pointless and serves no other purpose than to torture myself. And for what? Not being better? Let’s just say I’ve done the therapy and affirmations. I’ve fasted and prayed. I’ve self-helped and now I know how I got here. I know why I’ve repeated the same cycles over and over. Now what? After the continuous admonishment is acknowledged, where do we find the reprieve?

Recently, I’ve switched my whole life up. I’m spending a lot of time alone which has never happened. What I’ve learned in my aloneness is I appreciate the quiet. What I’ve also learned is how deserving I am for the things I want. This peace I’m experiencing isn’t from another person or their contributions to my life. It’s from sitting with myself and formulating plans to lead a life of solitude and community. Sounds backwards, I know but my requirements are simple: a nice quiet life where I make my own organic meals and am surrounded by the sounds of nature. I’d love to have a farm with a stream on my off-grid property and a home that feels cozy and safe. My dream may seem small to you but as long as I can see my children and family a few times a year, my heaven can be here on Earth.

Which brings me back to my original point. Comparing your life to others while not knowing if they are truly happy is a moot point. Finding your happiness should be the goal we start and end with. Switch your career if you hate waking up in the morning. Take some courses to spice up your resume or LinkedIn profile. What’s the point of making the money if you’re miserable? You have the control to change your situation. You’re not trapped. You can make new choices. If I can do it, so can you. And we can do it without the need to tear ourselves down every second. My point is you really don’t know what’s happening in someone else’s life besides what they choose to share. Stop comparing and start planning.